


Soulmates, by Aristophanes

by troublemakerdim



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: A lot of self projection...., Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, I had to re-edit it cuz it was so bad, Jihoon Wonwoo and Jeonghan are girls, Mentioned Hong Jisoo | Joshua, They are lesbians, jihoon is gay but that ain't the problem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-13
Updated: 2019-01-13
Packaged: 2019-10-09 16:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17410322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troublemakerdim/pseuds/troublemakerdim
Summary: Lee Jihoon is a realist. She doesn't believe in ghosts, or aliens, or things as fleeting and unlogical as love. She doesn't let herself at least.Jeon Wonwoo is an idealist. She loves to daydream and writes love stories in her journal. They weren't supposed to become so close, heck they weren't even supposed to meet. How did they become best friends?Were they just best friends?





	Soulmates, by Aristophanes

As a society, we try to fit ourselves in boxes. We try to put ourselves in a box, because if we can fit in this box, we can be part of the team. If we fit in the box, we belong to society. Sometimes we don’t really fit, but we force ourselves to, because if I can’t fit in this box,  then who am I then? Does this mean I’m not like the others?  But that’s preposterous! How am I going to survive?!

 It’s a bit like the cat’s logic, in that sense; if I fits, I sits.

In that regard, we make up a bunch of personality groups, we make up things that make us like everyone else so we won’t have to stand out. Are you a boy or a girl? Do you like blue or red? Cats or dogs? Pineapple or no?

That’s how the whole realist, optimist, pessimist ordeal came to be, right? We tried to put ourselves in boxes. We tried to make up a bunch of groups and we came up with those. Ah that Seoyeon, she’s a real pessimist! Oh did you see Hyejin? She really sees everything with a positive point of view.

When it came to that, Jihoon was a pure and hardcore realist. Life was life. It was the way it was. Optimists say she’s a pessimist, pessimists think she’s just lying to herself. If you saw parts of Jihoon’s life, you’d understand perhaps better why she was a realist. You’d understand a lot better if you knew what she went through, is what she thinks.

Jihoon, small but strong Jihoon, was born and grew up her entire life in Busan. She was an Independent, smart, reliable but quick to anger and quiet woman in her twenties. She was a woman that took no shit from people around her and believed in things only when they were proven and explained to her.

That was the kind of person she was.

Her life experience is what made her that way. After High School, she took the entrance exam for the NSU and passed with flying scores. She took that as her chance to get the hell out of that place and moved to Seoul. She got herself a small apartment and lived alone there. She cut her hair into a short bob, tired of having her long hair in the way, but kept it its original black color. It was hard, but she met some people that would stick by her side and ever since, things have been fine.

They have right?

They have.

Jihoon is a realist.

Everyone around her knew that. She had a set of rules in her head and nothing ever transpired over those rules. A+B=C. Ghosts aren’t real. Aliens might exist but as bacteria or small animals at best. Love; whilst a beautiful theme for movies; and relationships, were an invention made up by lonely nights and too much wine.

See? A realist. 

Most of her friends were also realists. Seungcheol was a realist, even if he believed bullshit like love wins or that he liked conspiracy theory videos on the internet.  Jeonghan was a realist. Joshua was a realist even if he didn’t look like he was. Soonyoung, well, he was another kind altogether. He was some kind of optimistic realist. He was the only optimist Jihoon knew. And even then, she knew he’d join their side sooner or later. She’d make sure of it. 

So that was it. That was how things were for her. That was her life.

She didn’t think she’d ever get along with anyone else, plus she felt comfortable with the way things were. Her group of friends knew her and her habits and always respected that. She never had to talk about what made her uncomfortable with them, even if Jeonghan always pried about her past. It was all the way it was supposed to be. 

It wasn’t supposed to change. It wasn’t supposed to shift.

 

Things shifted, she thinks, when she first met _her_.

Wonwoo was a fellow classmate in her Astronomy class. It was an elective subject she had decided to take. She was a business major, but a small astronomy class didn’t hurt anyone. Plus, it was interesting. Regardless, Wonwoo was a classmate. She was the complete opposite of what Jihoon was. She was tall, she had long straight raven hair and she was beautiful.  Jeon Wonwoo, with her beautiful heels and fluttering skirts, that were unlike Jihoon’s boyish shorts and baggy hoodies. She wasn’t a top student, but she was always very interested in class and always asked questions about the material.

What really made Wonwoo different from her though, was that Wonwoo was what you’d call an idealist.

Wonwoo was a dreamer, in every meaning of the word.

She always had her head in the clouds or in a book. She was always daydreaming and imagining weird scenarios and writing them in that weird journal she carried around. Jihoon knew this because Soonyoung was apparently acquainted with Wonwoo and he’d spoken of her with Jihoon. Not that she cared or anything. Wonwoo was the farthest away from her anyone could possibly be. And because of that, Jihoon never imagined they’d ever be anything other than classmates.

The first time they actually ‘talked’, was while Jihoon was rushing to her applied mathematics class. She had slept 3 hours the night before, had barely eaten or consumed anything other than the black coffee from last night and was running late for her class. She only glanced down to check the time and that’s when she hit a soft surface and fell back.

“Ouch” She fell on her butt and quickly looked up to who dared being on her way. Whoever got in her way was still standing (damn those tall people) and was looking down at her apologetically. Her books and papers had scattered all around her. 

“I’m so sorry” The raven had said as she started picking up the shorter one’s books and things.

“It’s fine. I need to hurry” She had rushed out and ran away from the scene, blush evident on her face. She thinks it’s probably because she was embarrassed of being face to face with a stranger. Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked at her weirdly when she said that but didn’t push her. She never really understood.

They, meaning Wonwoo and her, hadn’t talked since then. Not a single word. And Jihoon didn’t care. It doesn’t matter to her, Wonwoo was just some girl she shared a class with; that was it.

It was early December, a few days before break, when her astronomy teacher decided to give them a group project. The type of group project that counted as half of your final grade and could possibly be detrimental for your future. _Fun_.

“You can choose your partner! You’re in even number so divide yourself well!!” The woman had said before running off. She probably didn’t want to be held responsible for the mess that was partner choosing.  Jihoon resented having to choose a partner. Why would she ever want to be stuck with some dumbass that was most definitely going to dump most of the world load on her?

A figure stopped in front of her table while she was grumbling about her fate and thinking of her options. She looked up and for some reason, was rendered quiet by the display. Wonwoo was there, which on its own was quite a surprise. But the raven was also playing with her hair, twirling it around her finger. She was wearing a short dark blue skirt with a soft jumper. She wasn’t really looking at Jihoon, seemingly embarrassed.

“Hey…” She had whispered shyly, face red.

“Hello?” That seemed to startle the raven, not expecting to be noticed. She started fumbling with her fingers.

“I was wondering, if you know…only if you want to of course! If you want to, we could do this thing together…?”

Jihoon hadn’t said anything, staring at the shyness unfold in front of her. Wonwoo’s face was a bright red and it looked really nice on her complexion. Her eyeliner looked good today. She was too quiet however, because Wonwoo had started apologizing, which promptly snapped her out of her daze.

“Sure”

“Really?”                                                             

“Yeah, wanna eat lunch together and talk about it?” Wonwoo had nodded enthusiastically and they had packed their bags and gone to a McDonalds a bit out of the way. Out of the way enough that they wouldn’t be bothered by other potential classmates.

That’s how it all started. They’d meet there every Tuesday and Friday for the next 3 weeks, the time they needed to finish the project really. If anyone was wondering, they had a pretty good score on said presentation, but Jihoon wasn’t the type to boast.

 Soon enough though, it wasn’t just for the project that they’d meet for; they’d meet for a plentitude of other reasons. Sometimes Wonwoo wanted to study together, sometimes there was a new toy that Wonwoo wanted, sometimes it was because Jihoon was bored and she found herself calling Wonwoo of all people.

Point is; it became a habit.

First it was every Tuesday and Friday, but slowly, it morphed into Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. And, soon enough, it was every day.

They’d meet in the McDonalds. Or they’d meet over at Jihoon’s place, or Wonwoo’s place. They’d meet in the café downtown that sold overpriced coffee. They’d meet in the movies. They’d meet in one of the empty classrooms. They’d meet on the rooftops. It didn’t matter where, but they were always together.

Wonwoo became a constant. If they didn’t meet, it became weird and they’d need to call each other. Soonyoung always teased them about it. He’d say the most ridiculous things like “Oh you guys are soulmates!” and that just made Jihoon uncomfortable. Soulmates weren’t real. It was…unrealistic. Wonwoo wasn’t her soulmate, she was just, a really important friend.

It was fine and all. Jihoon felt comfortable with how things were. Wonwoo, she was an important part of her life. She was the closest person she’d ever had. They disagreed on so many subjects, seeing how opposite their points of view were but, somehow it always worked out in the end. Wonwoo was a rock in Jihoons’ lifes’ foundations. If she ever had to leave someday, things would tumble over pathetically.

That’s why, when the raven said it the first time, Jihoon didn’t think much of it.

They were hanging out over at Jihoon’s place. They were on her couch, just laying back and watching some movie that neither of them cared about. Snack packets lay empty on the ground, because Jihoon couldn’t afford a coffee table yet.  

“I love you” The raven had said. She had said it in a whisper. Looking away from Jihoon shyly like she always did, tucking her long locks behind her delicate ear. She had pink nail polish on.

“What?”

“I love you” She had repeated. The shorter was too afraid to respond and she had just let the conversation fall. Wonwoo hadn’t said anything after and Jihoon was glad for that. She couldn’t afford to question any of _this_ , whatever it was, she didn’t have the emotional capability to do that.

But Wonwoo never really stopped. She’d say ‘I love you’ all the time. All the goddamn time.

She said it when they met up. She said it when they were eating, prompting intense choking from Jihoon, and her friends’ laughter. She’d say it when they were in the middle of watching a movie. She’d say it when they were studying. She’d always fucking say it and it drove the raven crazy.

“Stop.” The younger said one day, having had enough of this masquerade. It become so recurrent for her to say ‘I love you’ that everyone thought they were dating! She couldn’t have that.  

“What?” The taller asked. They were in a restaurant, eating together. She had looked up from her bowl of rice. Her hair was attached in a low ponytail. Her eyeliner was a bit smeared on the corners of her eyes and Jihoon had the itch to just lean over and just wipe it away.

“Stop saying that to me.” A cold order, she returned to her bowl of rice.

“Why?”

“Because it’s not real.” And with that the conversation had stopped, the raven never answered with anything that day. But, she never actually stopped. She kept on going. She’d say it less, but only when she thought Jihoon wasn’t listening. She’d whisper it softly. Somehow, that just made it even harder for Jihoon to bear.

The _conversation_ only came up at the end of their first college year. They were drinking to celebrate. They went and met up with their friends and then left earlier to go to Jihoon’s place to chill. Wonwoo wasn’t good with people. They each had a glass of wine in hand and were sipping on them slowly.

They were talking for a while before it got quiet. This was fine, considering they were both pretty quiet in nature. Thinking Jihoon had fallen asleep, Wonwoo had whispered it again.

“I love you”

“No” The taller hadn’t replied at first.

It actually took her a while to say anything. She had started biting her lower lip. Her hair fell carelessly on her shoulders. Her lips were very red, probably from the wine and the constant biting. She did that when she was nervous. Huh, how did Jihoon know that?

“Why don’t you trust love?  Why don’t you trust people when they tell you they love you?”

Jihoon paused for a while and looked at the other with a skeptical look. Should she say it? Should she answer the ever so often asked question that’s been burning the tongue of every single one of her friends? With alcohol in her system and the past three nights spent thinking, all of her usual self preservation instinct just flew out of the window. She inhales and lets out a sigh in little puffs, playing with her own bottom lip.

“You know that story that they tell you? The myth that we’re all halves of a full?” The other nods simply, encouraging her to continue.

“The story isn’t really what’s making me think. It’s why it was made that makes me skeptical.” She pauses “Why do we put so much importance in something as unreliable and fleeting as love?”

“Explain?”

“This entire myth, this entire story, it wasn’t based on some philosophical thinking or anything religious. It’s because as humans, we want to feel like we belong somewhere, so we make up stories where soulmates are a thing and where true love beats everything. Because we want to feel like we’re important, we want to believe there’s someone out there that’s willing to put us over others, someone out there who’d do anything for us. We want to feel like we’re not alone. We want to believe we’re not completely alone in this world. Love isn’t selfless, it’s selfish.” When Wonwoo doesn’t say anything, Jihoon just keeps going.

“Why is it that it matters if someone loves me? Why does it matter if I love anyone? Where is love and happiness when dad fucked me over? Where is love when I had to mend for myself for a year? Where is love when I had no one besides myself? It wasn’t there because, it’s not real. Love isn’t real.”

“You can’t just say that, you love people don’t you?” I love you lays heavily in the air, but Wonwoo doesn’t say it. 

“I…” Jihoon stops and suddenly she’s afraid to answer because the look on Wonwoo’s face scares her. The raven looks worried. She looks worried and afraid and Jihoon doesn’t want to think on why she does.

“I don’t know what it is”

“What?”

“I don’t know what it feels like, to fall in love”

“You’ve never…liked anyone like that?” The raven asks softly. Somewhere along the way, her soft delicate hand had reached over to Jihoon’s own hand. She had intertwined their fingers softly. Wonwoo’s hand were so soft, the smaller liked holding them.

Jihoon slowly shakes her head. She hasn’t. Crushes were too scary, too unpredictable so as soon as they happened, she just stayed far away from whoever their source was. Usually a week or two later it was over. She’d never pursued a relationship, and when it did happen, she had never really felt any kind of sadness when she broke up with the person. She figures she should but; she never really cared enough.

Love, is a complex thing. We make up stories and songs and movies just about that very one subject. We fantasize that someday we’ll find someone and in the end, what is it for? What is love for? In a romantic sense, what does it change? Why was romantic love so much more…intense?

Jihoon thinks it’s simple. The reason for all of this is simple. Humans are social creatures; we need to interact with others to feel a sense of belonging. We need to feel special. We need to feel like we matter. So from a young age, we look for other people’s approval and love.

We try to please our parents first and when it’s blaringly obvious, or at least that was Jihoon’s case, that your parents didn’t give a shit, you’d move onto someone else. You’d try to please your friends, but none of them really had the attention span for that and so on and so forth. You try to please your teachers, your friends, your juniors, your family, your pets, anything really. Anyone, anyone that could make you feel like you mattered.

And when it doesn’t work; when you don’t feel like you’ve managed to make the other person love you, you fall into this kind of overly self-judging hole.  What did I do wrong? Do I not deserve it? Did I ask for too much? Am I overbearing? Is this why they all left? Then again if my own parents don’t care, why would anyone care?

And it goes on. Again, again and again. It never stops.

The thoughts go away a minute and then they’re back the minute someone speaks to you. Don’t do this! Don’t do that! They’ll notice you fucked up! Wait did you really just say that? Are you stupid? Do you really think they care please just; shut up!

Love isn’t real.

Love doesn’t exist.

Jihoon really hopes it doesn’t, because if it does then what did she ever do? What did she ever do to not deserve it? What happened along the way?

A voice cuts off her blurred train of thought. It’s Wonwoo again. She turns her attention to the woman beside her and raises an eyebrow. The raven lets out a giggle and smiles. “I said, you didn’t answer my other question”

“Which one?”

“Why don’t you trust me when I say that I love you?”

“Why would you love me Wonwoo?”

“…what?” The question comes out as a surprised squeak more than anything. The beautiful smile on her face is gone.

“Won. Why would you love me if my own parents never did?” There’s silence for a while and while Jihoon’s anxiety is telling her she most definitely fucked up, the rest of her fuzzed mind doesn’t really care. She’ll have a breakdown in the morning. It’s fine.

“You think you’re undeserving?” The raven looks hurt. Jihoon doesn’t understand why she looks so hurt.

“Yes, I don’t deserve to be loved”

“Why?” A hand starts petting her hair softly. It feels nice.

Jihoon doesn’t respond and Wonwoo thinks for a second her shorter friend fell asleep.

“Because, if I did, I’d believe in love. I’d believe it exists.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They don’t meet after that. Not because they don’t want to, but because Wonwoo has to go to Changwon to see her family. Jihoon doesn’t go to Busan. She doesn’t even think of the possibility of visiting her parents. There’s no way she would. Meanwhile, life without Wonwoo, it’s something.

Somehow, the taller had weaved herself so deeply and strongly into Jihoon’s life that life without her was like walking with one leg and one eye closed. It was impossible almost. She’d wake up disoriented, late in the afternoon, she’d skip meals, and she’d forget to shower. No one had said anything at first but soon, Seungcheol had had enough and surprised the raven a little.

“You’re back to how you were when I first met you” He had said, serious look on his face.

“What?” They were in a café. Seungcheol had one of those gross sweet drinks in front of him while Jihoon was sipping on an Iced Americano. She didn’t sleep last night and it shows. She’s so tired she came in her slippers.

“You’re back to the way you were when you first arrived in Seoul. You don’t sleep, you don’t eat, you don’t shower, and you don’t leave the house.”

“I was like that?” When he said that, Seungcheol had looked at her with an expression akin to a ‘Are you serious?’

“Jihoon you’re being serious? You were a mess up until December. Don’t you remember?” Seungcheol says something about a rhyme but the younger doesn’t hear it. She’s too busy thinking.

What exactly happened in December? Was she really like this before? What happened that changed to the point of forgetting? She thought, she thought for a good 30 minutes, not saying anything. Seungcheol hadn’t said a word since and was sipping on his coffee. And then the answer came to her like a literal punch in the chest. It felt like someone had just reached for her heart and squeezed, hard.

“Oh” She looked down to her feet.

“Call her.” Seungcheol had said; a soft order.

“Oh”

And just like that, Jihoon was up. She didn’t even say goodbye to Seungcheol, she just ran to her dorm. She ran to her dorm, took her phone and called Wonwoo. A few seconds later, the older was answering in a panic.

“Jihoon? Is everything okay??? Are you alright!? You haven’t answered any of my messages! Hey…Are you going to answer???” And Jihoon couldn’t say anything. For a second, she just listened to Wonwoo’s nervous rambling. She listened to her scolding, to her stuttering. She let out a sigh.

“Jihoon? Hoonie? God you’re worrying me what’s happening?!”

“I love you” A soft giggle before the line went dead silent.

“Wait What” 

“I love you”

“Jihoon oh my god you…” The sentence never ended. The call did though. That’s when Jihoon starts to panic. Shit. Did she say something wrong? She didn’t mean to scare the other? Did Wonwoo feel the romantic and passionate love dripping out of her I love you?

Soon, she was getting a video call thought. She answered quickly and was met with red rimmed eyes and probably the most beautiful smile she’d ever witnessed. Wonwoo looked like she was crying, but she looked ethereal.

“Wait…Why are you crying!?” The raven asked alarmed and worried.

“Sorry…” A delicate hand passes over her eye, wiping the tears away. “It’s the first time you say it to me…I was so surprised” Wonwoo smiles again. It knocks all of the air out of Jihoon’s lungs.

“I really do” She smiles “I really do love you”

“You’re saying it as if….” She doesn’t finish her sentence. Her face is red now. She isn’t looking at the camera anymore.

“What if I am?” The shorter doesn’t know where that sudden boldness came from, but she’s feeling particularly brave. Wonwoo reddens a little more.

“If you were, I’d expect a nice dinner date on the 8th of July when I come back to Seoul” Another blinding smile. Jihoon smiles, probably more than she’s used to.

“It’d be my honor to take you out then”

“You want to kill me?”

“Don’t be ridiculous I finally just said it. I wouldn’t do it so fast”

“Jihoonie you love me you can’t kill me.”

“Who says I can’t?”

“I do.”

“You do? So fast. I didn’t even take you out to dinner yet”

“Jihoon!!!!”

“Yeah yeah, I love you”

“I love you too you nerd.”

 

 

 

 

**Bonus**

The subject came back up a few months into their relationship. They had been dating for a grand total of 8 months and things had been going smoothly. They were already close and dating was just, the next step.

“Remember that time we talked about what you thought of love?” Wonwoo had asked. They were cuddling in bed, Jihoon’s head propped on Wonwoo’s delicate shoulder. Jihoon’s hand was resting on her girlfriend’s waist, playing with the hem of her top. The top was so soft; she wonders where she got it from.

“Yeah…” She did and she didn’t like that they were talking about this again.

“Do you still think like that?”

“I do.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to love?”

“Let me rephrase that. I partially do.”

“Explain?” Jihoon smiles.

“I don’t think I deserve…all of this. I don’t believe I do. I’ve learned to love you, romantically. But I don’t believe I deserve to be receiving it back. I believe it exists, I just…you know.”

The shorter feels her girlfriend’s soft hand in her hair. The raven was playing with Jihoon’s now bleached hair. “How long do you think it’ll take before I can prove you otherwise?”

“I don’t know…”

“That’s fine.” Wonwoo had said. She raised Jihoon’s head so that they could be facing each other. “That’s fine. I’ll say it every day. Until you believe me”

Jihoon laughs. They’re kissing now. She feels her inside melting. Everything is warm and nice and fluttery. Her shorts ride up a little, exposing some of the skin on her thighs and Wonwoo takes advantage of that to pinch her there. Jihoon grumbles a little. Wonwoo likes to tease but she wasn’t falling for it this time.

She gets up, puts on her slippers and runs for the living room. The raven calls for her but she doesn’t answer and she hears the other woman running after her.

She’s happy. She really is. Love isn’t always the answer. It rarely ever is, but when you find someone like that, it feels nice. That’s the conclusion Jihoon comes up with that day, when they’re exhausted, laying on their couch.

**Author's Note:**

> I love girls and I love gays and I had to make this...I wrote this very quickly so I'm sorry for any mistakes but I wrote and edited everything in one day. 
> 
> Edit: I re-read the entire thing and let me tell you! All those freaking mistakes oh my god...I re-edited the entire fic. I hope it's better now! 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!


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